Article 30: What Type of Listener Are You?

Written By: Cheryl McCormick, M.S.S.

Listening is a part of life. It is an essential interpersonal skill that every human has to work on. You would think that this process comes naturally for everyone, however I will say this- Listening does not come easy for everyone to do.

Let's define what it means to "listen."

By a simple definition, to listen means to provide attention to someone or something; uninterrupted attention; to pay attention, to hear, or to be attentive. For example, I have your attention right now, but how much of your attention are you applying to this article and listening to the words that you are currently reading?

While working with athletes, coaches, parents, and sport professionals, I must be assertive when identifying who is actively listening and who isn't, who is inattentive listening, who is arrogant listening, and who is reflective listening. You see, active listeners are one's who are connected and display a caring attitude. These individuals demonstrate a desire to want to understand what the other person has to say.

Active listeners, are individuals that most people would desire to work with and have as friends. Although active listeners are not always in agreement with the message that is heard or conveyed, these individuals are truly listening in a way without placing judgment. You can think of it like this- Students obtaining their degree can be active listeners, especially in classes that align with their degree path. Why? Well, it is important for these individuals to learn everything they can, to be the best professionals in the working field. Additionally, active listeners can be friends helping other friends through a tough situation. Although the friend might not necessarily agree with the friend or the situation, they show that they care and want to provide the best advice to what they are hearing and gathering from the speaker.

Unfortunately, many people are actually, inattentive listeners or superficial listeners. These listeners are one's who listen for a short amount of time, and then find oneself thinking they know what the speaker will continue saying.

Think of it like this-Athlete's who are familiar with their coaches training schedule might only listen to the first few minutes of what the coach discusses at practice, thus tuning the coach out and pondering on other things in mind. Superficial listeners fall short of comprehending the emotional feelings of the speaker's message. These listeners also might have a difficult time grasping or understanding the point that is being made. This can be due to the listener not focusing on things like body language or behavior of the speaker, thus resulting in not comprehending what the speaker is talking about.

And then there are people who do not pay attention because they are focused on what they have to say, not what the speaker has to say. These individuals are known as arrogant listeners. Now, this doesn't mean that because individuals execute this behavior often, that they are not active listeners during other times.

Individuals who convey this type of listening are one's who like to hear oneself speak, and or are committed to being right. You might hear of this termed as "know-it-all's." These individuals wait for a quick pause from the speaker to jump into the conversation by placing their knowledge into the mix.

Overall, the best form of breaking or correcting communication is by active listening. This process means learning to take in listening skills that allow you to change body language by altering posture, listening (verbally and physically) to become aware of what the speaker is trying to say by shutting your mind off when other thoughts come in mind, and by paraphrasing your thoughts about the communication, so you understand what is being said. Empathy is also suggested in active listening. It allows for the listener to have respect for the speaker. In this process, reflective listening is a great method that conveys the listener demonstrates active listening, understanding the message the speaker is communicating, then communicating the message back to the speaker.

Overall, listening is a powerful tool that we can all better. Because you might identify more with one specific type of listening does not specify this is the only way you listen. However, there are several methods that can be implemented into training for individuals to change one's listening process.

Ask yourself, what type of listener are you. Place yourself in difference scenarios: How well do you listen to your teacher, your parents, your coach, your friends, and strangers. Check your body language. Do you slouch, do you fold your arms across your chest, do you stand with one hand on your hip, do you look the speaker in the eyes or do you roll your eyes or look at other things while the speaker is talking. Or, do you stand tall, are your eyes locked on the speaker and or taking notes then placing your eyes back onto the speaker, do you nod your head in agreement or disagreement, or for clarification that you understand the message? You see, these are all indicators that distinguish listening.

I hope that I delivered some food for thought for you today on this topic- and as always, if you have questions or would like some pointers to practice your listening skills, reach out to me at gravitationalperformance@gmail.com

Cheryl McCormick, M.S.S.